this xanga is permanently finished

seriously, i was just rereading my old entries. blech, what a stupid freshmen i was...

thats not to say that i'm not a stupid sophmore now, but still, i hope i'm not as stupid

go to my new xanga. its so much cooler =]

for anyone who doesnt have the url, sucks for you!!

haha j/k, it's on my profile...

byebye xanga, goodbye memories

i kinda like this xanga more than i like my other one, but ehh i cant keep writing stuff on this one anymore due to certain issues...

so far, this year has been hard. way too much drama. way too much having to deal with reality, but hey, i'm coping. i'm actually surviving...

thats not to say that there arent those times when i just want to break down and cry forever, but i'm learning to accept the facts for what they are. i dont need ppl to sugar coat everything for me anymore.

u know what i wish, i really wish i wasnt so naive, so innocent, so...inexperienced. i mean, i dont mean it in that way, but still, i hate not knowing what ppl are talking about, i hate sounding so stupid, so un-sophisticated.

believe or not, this yr i'm a lot less boy-crazy. i dont go hoping that someone's going to ask me out. somehow, thats not important anymore. i need someone who'll understand me, not just any old guy who comes my way.

i havent had a good day in awhile, so i guess the only reason i'm sounding so philosophical is because i'm learning to cope with the life i have and not constantly hope for some thing more.

maybe i'm just finally adapting...

or maybe it's b/c i was reading other ppl's xangas, and it reminded me that life is precious, and u shouldnt let anyone destroy ur life w/loads and loads of drama. its just not worth it. u have to learn to treasure things for what they are, learn to accept ur friends for who they are...

and once u learn to face reality, u'll find sunshine in ur world, and everything will be okay again...

memories will fade...

for better...for worse...i dont know...

i hate the winter.

just b/c i've learned not to care anymore doesnt mean that i've put it behind me...i wish forgetting was that easy, but just as someone once told me, "maybe you could pretend to forget, but the moment will always be there. you cant change the fact that it did happen."

i cant make the same mistake again. i have to learn how to stand on my own two feet, and not rely on someone for my happiness. i have to live life for myself, and for myself alone.

but what if its too late? what if i've already put too much trust in someone?

maybe i should never have let all of this happen in the first place, but then again, how else would i have healed, or at least begin the road to forgiveness?

i'm making a big deal out of nothing. i know i'm just overreacting. it was a simple statement, for gods sake, only a joke.

if only i could delete those memories...

is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time?

i think i'm going insane...